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Note: This post contains lots and lots spoilers. If you don’t want to know about the film depicting the second half of “Breaking Dawn,” stop reading immediately.

Last night, a friend and I caught some dinner at Jimmy John’s and finally saw the second half of “Breaking Dawn” in theaters.

I’ve watched the Twilight movies. I rented the first movie shortly after it came to video on a lonely Saturday night and found myself pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed the music. I dug the conflict. Yeah, the longing stares were ridiculous, and Bella and Edward’s love story was a terrible depiction of a crush. But it did what it was supposed to do, which is entertain me.

Shortly after viewing this first film, I picked up the book. I made it through, but only barely. I found the writing boring and repetitive. That whole “show, don’t tell” directive was utterly lost on Stephenie Meyer, and a good friend and fellow writer who read the previous books told me, “It only gets worse,” so I let my Twilight book reading stop.

But I’ve continued to see the movies.

I’ve been looking forward to seeing how this franchise would wrap up. I knew Bella became a vampire because birthing her monster baby killed her, so Edward all but ate her to turn her (I made another friend tell me the end of that story line). But I had no idea where the Volturi story line was going.

In last night’s film, when the Cullens and Co. got ready to stand up to the Volturi, I got excited. Would Meyer actually have the balls to kill off some of her beloved Cullens??

Jac’s new crush. Yummmm, Rami Malek, you are delicious.

Well, when Carlisle and Volturi leader Aro race at each other after Aro has Alice seized, I thought, “Good for you!” When they leaped in the air for a hang-time battle, I thought, “This is outstanding.” When Carlisle’s body fell on the snowy ground into a heap, I was surprised Meyer would wound this main character, and my mouth dropped when Aro was shown clutching Carlisle’s head. I teared up, yes, but I also was happy. This is how a movie about bloodsuckers is supposed to end.

And besides, Carlisle was a perfect character to kill. The other obvious character to off is … yep, whelp, there goes Jasper. We lost some werewolves, we watched the pint-sized See You Next Tuesday Jane get ripped to shreds and we felt a shred of melancholy happiness when that ancient-looking Volturi member with no name says, “Finally” right before he is ripped limb from limb (because sometimes, eternity is just too damned long).

I never thought I would so root for Dakota Fanning to die.

As soon as Bella and Edward tag-team Aro and behead the bastard … we learn that none of this has actually happened.

WHAT??????

So … Meyer found a way to give readers (and, in this case, viewers) a battle without having to kill any of her characters, and everyone we care about lives happily ever after.

Boring.

So yeah, I was disappointed with how the franchise ended. Had the “Look at what could be, Aro” sequence been real, the resolutions would have been fascinating. How would the vampire world continue to survive with its ruling body ripped to shreds? Would mass war ensue? Would the remaining Volturi seek revenge? Would Jacob go into hiding with his underage bride? Or would we see a happily-ever-after for all, plus some melancholy vampire widows?

Who knows. Instead, readers got treated to another Alice foresight, and we know the immortal ones live the rest of their forever happily.

To anyone else who followed the franchise, what did you think of the ending?

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