One thing you might not know about me? I’m filled with ‘rage’

Today’s daily prompt from WordPress.com: Tell us something most people probably don’t know about you.

The answer is simple: Strange things cause me rage. Things that might simply annoy other people I consider personal affronts.

Now, before I get into the list of rage-educing things, it’s worth noting that … my rage isn’t very rageful. I’m not a terribly angry person. In fact, I’m pretty happy — an optimistic realist, if you will.

However, that first winter I was with the beau, and the wind really kicked up, he saw me start swinging. Because I hate wind, especially the bitter cold kind that hurts my face (I also hate being cold). And when it gets really bad, I feel the urge to take a swing. Yes, I want to punch the wind. “It causes me rage,” I calmly explained to the beau, and that wording has lived with us since then.

If I burn the toast? “Does it cause you rage?”

If a mosquito bite won’t stop itching? “Does it cause you rage?”

If rain gets in my eye? “Does it cause you rage?”

(The answers are no, a little bit, and no.)

In addition to “wind,” the following things make me unnaturally angry, or “cause me rage,” if you will:

• Cellphones in a movie theater. Oh, SO rude. Ditto, talking in a movie theater and sitting too close to me when there are 132 open seats in the rest of the room, none of which give you an impeded view of the screen.
• Automatic flush toilets. When I lean forward to wipe, they inevitably go off, splashing public toilet water on my butt. Ain’t nobody deserve public toilet water splashing on their butts.
• Texting and driving. My dream car has a neon sign that says “Put your damn phone away, you aren’t that important” on all the windows that I can flash on as necessary.
• My car door closing on my legs. Is that some kind of insane safety feature that forces you to open a door past a certain point before it says, “OK, I’ll stay open and won’t crush your legs”?
• My seat belt preventing me from moving. I know its job is to lock should I get into a car accident, and I appreciate that. But when I’m on the highway and checking my blind spot, IT SHOULD NOT LOCK. Let me turn around, lest I plow into this poor guy I can’t see, Mean Ghost Who Haunts My Seat Belts (And Car Doors).

Tell me I’m not alone here. You have considerably small things that cause you a disproportionate amount of anger, right??

P.S. WordPress’s list of suggestions to tag this post includes “Violence and Abuse.” Whoops …